When the cats away…

The mouse will play.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned in your house. In the bedroom, kitchen, living room and bathroom. Aiyaiyaiiiii.

No Game

Ugh. Guys where I live have absolutely no game. I guess there’s always a good and a bad to every idea.

When you’re single, you want a guy with confidence to come and swoop you up. I see you looking this way and talking to your boy about us. Oh and thanks for the drinks too. But damn, come say hi or something! We made an effort to thank you guys, but you just sat their. Boooo.

On the contrary, when you’re taken by one of the guys with no game, YOU are completely confident that he won’t be out with his boys trying to get with other girls. FTW!

Imposter

Defined as: A person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceives others.

You’ve done it, I’ve done it – it’s nothing new. Lately my brains been racking on and on about moments in my life where I have felt like such a fake. Going down the list shall we?

9. Any time I get sucked in to a conversation about education politics. I nod my head in agreement, but deep inside I have no fucking idea what people are talking about. First year teachers are allowed to be confused, right?

8. Whenever I meet someone new and I have to act like a kind, sincere person. When in reality, I’m a bitch with wit.

7. Dressing up + looking fab. There are those full moon moments where I enjoy pretending to be a girly-girl. But that’s exactly it, I’m pretending. I’d much rather wear a shirt, shorts + slippers.

6. Coming across to my boss as if I have my shit together. It’s usually luck that makes me appear like a hard worker. I’m the epitome of the word procrastinator.

5. I’m a master at appearing to be completely mellow. But don’t get it twisted – I am an over thinker.

4. Absolutely any fucking time I go to a club and they stop playing reggae and start playing “clubby” type music. Fuck if I know how to dance to that shit. Bring back the roots and I’m a happy skanker.

3. Just about every time I casually get with a guy. I try to pretend like it was soooo not the business so I don’t appear love struck. Deep down I already named our babies. (No worries though, that crazy obsessed idea tends to disappear the morning after).

2. When I have to scold my students for saying mean things to each other. In reality, I say the exact same things to my friends because I love them. Terms of ridicule are actually terms of endearment these days.

1. I’m known to be down to do anything. Especially now that I’m single, going out is not a big deal to me anymore. At least that’s what it appears to be to my friends. I say I like the single life, but who enjoys being along at night? Not. I. Butterfly.

SATURDAY NIGHT ADVENTURES

Last night, I was literally about to fall asleep until I get a phone call. It was my best + she was on her way to pick me up to go to a bar to listen to a band. Now, this isn’t at all unusual seeing how we are each others right hand. She is in a great relationship with a wonderful guy who is like a brother to me. I only hope I find a relationship as strong as theirs. Ok, sorry – back to the story…

My best + her honey came to pick me up. Next we pick up this guy, L whom I haven’t seen since high school. Did I mention this guy is gorgeous? Skip ahead to when we all get to the bar and are having a good time. The music is amazing and after 4 BLPlatinums I’m feeling really good. Skankin’ with my girl + genuinely having a good time. Next, I feel someone grab the strap of my bag, and gently pull be back. It was him! He asked me if I wanted to dance – and I wasn’t about to pass up a dance partner! So we’re all dancing, drinking, laughing … then I find out he has a girlfriend! Here’s where the oops part comes in.

We get back to the car, and he kisses me – very nonchalantly might I add.  As we’re leaving the bar, I mention to my best how we should go to another bar nearby. L immediately tells me no, and that he wants to hang out with me at my place. Now, where we live – everyone lives close by. He can literally walk 10 minutes to get from my house to his, and he was totally willing to. Instead, I made the suggestion of going to his house to pick up his car. So we did and to make a long story short…

We hooked up.
 

Not the best idea I’ve ever had, but I was drunk, single and looking for a good time. Now do you see where the oops came in? But before you make a stink-face, just know – I didn’t do the crazy nasty. But wait, did I mention this guy is gorgeous!?

His kisses were passionate and hot, his hands worked their magic on me and I was hooked, literally. Now to make things even more worse, he had the nicest, best looking “manpiece” I have ever seen in my life. Trust me on this, I’ve seen a good amount in my day, but none came even close to this. I just had to have it. In my mouth. That was the best time I’ve ever had pleasuring a man. I didn’t want to stop (obviously he didn’t want me to either), but I forced myself to.  Gah, I needed a freaky time.

In the end, I left feeling satisfied and confident about myself. I’ve been going through body issues recently, but when a sexy guy comes and shows me attention – it’s a confidence booster. I know what I did wasn’t right, I do have a conscience. I’ve spent the last six years being a people pleaser and in my mind, being single is a time where I can please myself before others.

Basically, it felt damn good to feel wanted. Now, I can’t stop thinking about his piece! LOL. I’m curious to know how others would have handled this situation.

 
Tata…

 

FIRST POST!

Again – I find myself single. I’ve had 2 relationships in the past 6 years and absolutely NOTHING to show for it. Both broke my heart, and both have caused me to resent relationships. So here I am to document my life as a single woman. Can’t say I was excited to succumb to this, but this is a way for me to share my most intimate thoughts / experiences without the judgement of others. I know it may sound weird – but I find it easier to write my thoughts, rather than share them with even the best of friends.

So, a little about myself – 
 
I’m 23 + from Hawai’i. Wooop! 
 
I. Am. A. Dreamer.
 
 

Ta for now.

PS – Don’t be shy thoughts + opinions are always welcomed.